VOTE OR DIE! (well, not really)

I just finished voting.

Here in Oregon, we vote by mail rather than going out in the rain to the polls. Personally, I would prefer going out in the rain to the polling place, so that I could be sure that Mickey Mouse, the Dallas Cowboys and the entire cast of Rent aren't voting here in sleepy little Coquille. I was dismayed when I read the Oregon voters guide. Oregon has some of the strictest ID requirements when it comes to registering to vote illegally. For instance, if you don't have valid government photo id, you can provide a Social Security number. If you don't have either a SSN or government photo ID, you can provide any one of the following documents, none of which could EVER be forged or plucked out of the neighbors trash can:

* valid photo identification (While I would hope a "license to party" or a StarTrek fan club membership card doesn't qualify, I have to wonder...)
* a paycheck stub (because EVERYONE who gets paid must be a citizen, right?)
* a utility bill
* a bank statement
* a government document (I'll bet even Mickey Mouse has one of these)

Of course, you won't be able to vote in national elections unless you have the actual government ID or SSN. You'll just be able to vote in state elections for people who can mess up your lives on a daily basis, rather than on a more sporadic national level.

I'm very ready for this election to be over, namely because I'm tired of receiving 543,887 pieces of "mail" each day aimed at swaying my vote. I'm sorry, but I am not one of those people who is going to pick up a glossy political mailer and say, "Well, I guess my vote's going to have to change now, based on the allegation that Senator Smith has never openly denied ever having exceeded the speed limit while drinking coffee!" I could build a shelter for the poor using only the political mail I've received in the last few months.

The thing is, I've pretty much resigned myself to the idea that the person I never wanted as my nominee is going to lose the election to the other person I never wanted as a nominee. I don't think this election is going to affect me the way they have in the past. I've experienced political depression before. After Bob Dole lost the election to Bill "Check out my Cigar" Clinton, I was depressed for at least ten minutes. Then, I got myself together, realized that each and every one of us was still going to get up each day, go to work, earn a living and keep the country running while everyone in elected government did their level best to screw it all up.

I think that's going to be my only qualification for elected office from now on. If you want my vote, you have to promise me that you won't screw things up as much as the other person. Because, in my opinion, absolutely nothing happens in Washington which doesn't make things worse than they already are. I love it when we get government deadlocks and such. That just means that government is having trouble messing things up as much as they would like to. The fewer bills proposed and passed, the better. Look at the tax code, for goodness sake! The thing weighs in at over 55,000 pages, and you need several post-graduate degrees just to file a 1040 EZ.

(Friendly note to the IRS: please don't misunderstand. I'm not blaming you. I'm sure you're very nice and not at all trying to ruin peoples' lives or give them audit-related heart attacks. I'm blaming the jerks who decided it was a good idea to add 15 pages to the tax code to explain tax credits for cheese-makers who manufacture certain types of gouda.)

If I sound angry, then I guess I am. But, I have hope.

I hope that on November 5th, I wake up to find that Mickey Mouse has been elected as President and the entire congress has been replaced by Looney Toons. That way, when they decide to try and mess things up via legislation, we can just find a giant anvil and drop it on their heads.